Making Amends in Recovery

It feels good to practice forgiveness and just let go of resentment! Positive reinforcement is a great motivator to practice the spiritual principle of forgiveness as much as possible. By forgiving others we start to recognize our own humanness, and it gives us the capacity to be less judgmental than we were in the past.

• Well, there are no half measures, and it ain’t easy… if it were easy, everyone would be doing it!
• Living with the weight of the need to make amends is not fun and holds us back.
• This action can demonstrate the person’s new way of life in recovery.
• Of all the 12 steps, Step 9 is often referred to as particularly challenging.

There are so many kinds of situations and they all need to be taken into consideration on an individual basis. Talk with your sponsor or others in your recovery community about what has worked for them. If your actions match your intentions and you reach out in person, you are doing the next right thing to right past wrongs. And remember, if you are feeling ashamed about mistakes made and damage done during your using days, you are not your disease. When first writing your list, don’t worry about including everyone you have wronged.

A Closer Look at Step 9 AA and Making Amends

Recovery support groups and individual therapy can help you if you are struggling to make amends or accept the responses of others. A sponsor or therapist can help you talk through your choices, determine the best course of action for making amends, and consider how your actions may affect others as you seek living amends to make amends. It’s much easier to just apologize and move on, but committing to living your life differently looks different. Making these types of life improvements typically requires that you work with a counselor or therapist who can provide an outsider’s perspective and objective view of your life.

I understood that I am no better than anyone else in AA, or otherwise. I had not been maintaining my spiritual condition; I had been coasting on the gift of sobriety that had been so miraculously given me. We all have today, based on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. That was an AA concept that took me years to fully understand and appreciate. I was not “white-knuckling” sobriety like so many of my AA sisters and brothers. The obsession to drink had been wiped clean from my consciousness.

How Will Making Amends Help My Recovery?

Steps eight and nine in the Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) 12-Step program suggest making a list of the people harmed by addiction and being willing to make things right. However, AA recognizes that taking this step, in some cases, would cause more injury to that person or others. Making amends is more than saying sorry for hurting the other person. However, it goes beyond this, to include doing everything that you reasonably can to right the wrong. All of this needs to take place face-to-face with the other person. Perhaps while you were in active addiction, you betrayed your loved one by stealing money from them.

The steps encourage spiritual principles like humility, compassion, forgiveness, and more, helping participants to raise their chances of making a lifelong recovery. While you were drinking or using, if you caused harm to someone, failing to make the effort to write these wrongs may result in the same issue coming up again in the future. Depending on what the issue is, this may end up triggering a relapse.

What is Step 9 in AA?

For example, if you were driving under the influence, crashed your car, and injured your friend, your friend may have severed all ties with you and refuse to meet and relive the trauma. To repent, volunteer your time to educate teens on the dangers of driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Understanding the constant change of recovery also means accepting that old habits don’t just disappear. “When I’m not doing what I should be doing in my recovery, I see those defects come out. Generally speaking, making amends looks a little different for each individual.

Your goal is to show you reflected on your mistakes, are truly sorry for the pain caused, and are ready to translate words into actions. Avoid general statements like, “I’m sorry for everything I’ve done.” Be specific with your apology and include concrete plans to restore the relationship. The other person will better appreciate your sincerity, feel more understood, and thus be more receptive to the apology. That said, your own name should be on your list of people you are making amends to. You’ve already started this process when you began your recovery journey. By changing your beliefs, attitude, and behaviors, you are making living amends to yourself.

This would not be possible without the spiritual preparation we received from the previous steps. Indirect amends are a conscious act of helping others when one cannot reverse the damage he or she has caused. This type of amends has a sort of giving-back-to-the-community feel, in which the person in recovery seeks to make up for wrongs by offering his or herself up for the benefit of others. Activities may include volunteer work, becoming an AA sponsor, or donating money to important causes. For example, if you neglected or mistreated your children while you were using alcohol, a simple apology may not repair the damage.

• Make a direct, financial amend by setting up recurring payments until you have repaid everything you owe.
• When a person gets sober, it can be difficult to process the pain they have caused their loved ones.
• They affirm your decision to make lifelong changes, which has a positive effect on both you and everyone around you.
• In fact, some amends will remain ongoing for some time, requiring long-term effort or never truly being completed.
• Make sure that you are comfortable with your progress during recovery and that both you and the other person are ready to engage in the process.